I suck with words. But sometimes words aren't the thing, it's about what you do. Here I am, in this big and scary place called 'the earth', and I just need someone who might be ready to catch me when I fall . . .

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Juni 2008
Juli 2008
Agustus 2008
September 2008
Oktober 2008
November 2008
Desember 2008
Januari 2009
Februari 2009
Maret 2009
April 2009
Mei 2009
Juni 2009
Juli 2009
Agustus 2009
September 2009
Oktober 2009
November 2009
April 2010

Natasha: thx for everything ya natt :) keep in touch! you are very fun to talk to and i love your craziness :P i miss it when you were still in binus, shouting, laughing ... aww, i miss those moments<3 thx for everything, and i'm soo sorry for my mistakes that i've done to you.
XOXO,
J.




25 hours left till 2009 comes! whoah, can't believe it. i hate time... -_-

2008

first, i'm so sorry if i've been a bad to you or there are some things that i've done or said offend you, fyi, i am never willing to hurt anyone, and i have always tried to be kind, but remember, 'no one's perfect'. right, so um ... probably, i'll write the bad and the good that had happened to me this year :)

Peepz! you know i love you all so effing damn much, and you are the BEST BEST BEST! (closest friends)

alphabetically:

Grace: you've been very nice to me all along, and thank you for every thing that you've done for me :) thanks for taking me to sen res and to pim for a few times with your driver, pardi, thanks, too to pak pardi hahaha. you're very fun to talk to, and thanks for the talks, the chats, the suggestions, the opinions, and thanks for always being there for me, you're such a great friend :]

Jacklin: i'm sorry that i've disgusted you for many times hahaha i'll try not to do it again. thx for everything :) (jangan judes2 ya sama gue ahhahaha :P)

Nabila: nabilaaaaaaa, my apple friend ^^ muah muah love you honey hahaha she has been my girlfriend a long time ago, ok ok, seriously jk. thx for everything, nab! you're very kind and thanks for letting me squeeze you for so many times :P sorry for the pinchings that i've done to you, please understand, your cheeks are cute hihi <3 thanks for letting me to go to your house oftenly and take me to places when i have no driver! thanks to tante nana and om iwan too :)

Nadira: hamshyyyyyyyyyyy! you know i love you! thanks a lot, i can say that you're the best listener i've ever met, thanks for being there for me all the time and thx for listening<3 thx for the chats, the talks, the suggestions & the 'feeling-eeling' thingy majigy ahahah :P thanks for letting me to go to your house oftenly and take me to places when i have no driver! thanks to tante nana and om iwan too :) and i'm sorry if i have made mistakes to you.



Family; i l y

MOM: i'm sorry if i've been bad to you, or insulted you at times, but i'm sorry to say, you're annoying at times even tho u are kind :( just please change ur attitude of thinking negatively about your kids cause i don't like it. this is 2008, not 1987, so please... let me go even though i am hanging out only with 2 girls and a boy, cause i am not that small like you think. i know how to take care of myself. just please... and i'm sorry that i have disappointed you by my marks, i am trying to be better at science. and kumon... i'm sorry if you have to remind me for thousand times to do my kumon, i will try to always do it.

DAD: you are such a great dad, i'm very proud of you! and i want to make you proud, too. i'm sorry that i've disappoint you at times, i will try to be better, i promise.

CICI: thanks for always listening to me and giving me advices, i really appreciate it. i'm sorry if i've been bad to you or not listening to you (my bad) hihihi!

THEA & IEL: i'm so sorry about ignoring you when youre in my house, but our interests are different... i never meant to do it, though. so i'm sorry. (iel semoga bisa grow up ya, honestly, iel emang imut, tpi jangan suka sok imut yaa, cause it's kinda annoying (sorry to say). thea juga gausah rese ya, gausa kasi tau ii aping that i have a boyfriend, cause actually it's none of her business...)

CI YAYA & IKA: thx cici yaya & ika, you've been such great cousins :)




Everything... i'm afraid of everything. time ... the world ... future... everything. time goes by so fast, i'm only thirteen and BOOM! i'm 14 by the next 13th of november! strange? it is. growing up doesn't feel so good ... fyi, i hate birthdays. i hate it how we should grow and turn into adult, i don't wanna grow up :( just 2 days ago, i had this ghastly nightmare. i dreamed of walking in the street with some of my friends and suddenly, there's this sound 'NGIUNG NGIUNG NGIUNG', the lights are off all over the world and the buildings ... it slowly disappears. DOOMSDAY! DOOMSDAY! i'm scared :S i know it's kinda strange ... but it's real, ppl. i mean, we can die because of the lack of electricity. and just so you know, I AM saving electricity ;) turn off your PC when it's not used, turn off the lights when you're not using it. beware of global warming, too. you may not take GLOBAL WARMING and the lack of electricity seriously, but guys, this is a serious problem, okay? i did, i didn't take these problems seriously, but now i do. imagine ... there will be no electricity. no new clothes, no new technology, no plastic bags, no computer, no internet, foods? how will we cook them? woods rubbed together to make fire, we'll use the very old steps to cook, just like the ancient people. you afraid ? i am, too. GLOBAL WARMING, don't take it as a joke. Antarctica is now starting to melt, when the ice had totally melt, the water will spread all over the world. it's like the biggest tsunami comes! we'll die, drowned by this horrible flood :S that's why, STOP POLLUTION! plant more trees! hihihi i know i'm sucha freak, but it's real, people. it's a serious problem. i just don't wanna die because of the lack of electricity or global warming :S




i don't really know what to write and to explain... it's just confusing. every single thing that i do, it's wrong, except for not being into monster anymore... look, guys, i did answer panda's question yesterday about "going back" to him. i said "no" and i am very firm on my decision (i don't change minds like that fucking monster, okay). why? cause i am never going to hurt him anymore, NEVER-EVER. i'm sorry, panda darling, but i am never willing to hurt you :( to be honest, i love him, okay? i do, i do. but i can't, it's just the best way for us both. i'm scared... but the word 'love' doesn't always mean in that kind of way, right? i love him as my super friend. i care for him, i'll try to make him happy every second, every minute, every hour and every day. i promise i will and i am.







happy? yup. i went to the church in the morning, it was boring (as always), but like it or not like it, it's a must. and finally the mass is over, yay. while i waited outside for my car to come, i saw a beggar begging for money, i actually wanted to give her money, but i didn't bring my wallet that time. and you know what, i saw another beggar shouting at her and i was like ... (-_-)" she's already very old, she's like 6o something, i think. i guess that 'another beggar' is her organizer of the 'beggars'. i was wondering if i were her ... i felt so pity for her. i wish i could help her... sometimes i just wish i could help all poor people, indonesia's too bad -_- right, so anyways, after that, i went to ps and bought a dress, a pair of shoes and one short pants in zaraaaaa hihihi yeay! happy happy :):):) zara (plaza senayan)'s sale up to 50% with only HSBC card and thank God my mom has one, so actually the other ZARAs still have their normal prices hihi. well, anyways, i just saw katy perry (hot and cold)'s video in MTV, it was really good. i like it a lot ahahhah it's funny how she sings and yeah. she's so pretty, don't you all think so?

other than her, i also like RIHANNA :] she's hot and pretty. i like it how the way she talks and her body's gorgeous (Y)(Y)(Y) oh, and although her hair's now short, i like it more when her hair was long. but she's still pretty and gorgeous anyways, anyhow.


well, HAVE A SUPER MERRY CHRISTMAS, ppl :)
gtg, so bye ;)

yesterday night, panda sapa gue di MSN. dia uda sapa gw 2 kali. gw kaget gila, gw kira dia uda gamo ngmng sama gw lagi... nah terus kemaren kita chat lama gitu kan, gw seneng sii. soalnya bisa jadi temen biasa lagi terus yaaaa, gw emang kangen dia sih.. yah well, terus kan pas uda jam setengah 1, gw mo off kann, yaa gw bosen ini, gw ajak dia telfonan ajaa. dia telfon kan, yaudah ngobrol2 sampe jam 4 subuh gitu. dan jeng jeng! tiba2, dia sms pas sambil telfonan juga ini, dia blg dia kangen sama gue. yaaaaaaa, gw masi rada2 gimana gitu sih, agak ga percaya jugaa. dan tiba2, dia nanya gw mo balikan lagi apa engga... gw shock disitu, gw kira dia uda ga peduli sama gw lagii. gw belom jawab.. soalnya gw gatau mo jawab apa. gw sendiri gatau yah gw masi sayang sama dia apa engga, i'm not sure with my own feelings. well, liat aja deh yang bakal terjadi ;) semoga gw ngambil keputusan yang bener, amin. oh iya, kemaren gw juga chat sama si monster. dia tuh lagi kesel dan sedih soalnya dia dapet jelek report cardnya, yaaa gw ga tega ya ngejekin dia terus pas dia lagi kyk gitu. malsahnya ini NILAI bukan masalah cewe. klo maslah cewe sih, uda gw ejekin kali yee. dia uda kyk ngasi 3000 pisau buat nyakitin gue, gw cuman kasi dia 10 pisau. apa artinya sih? satu dibanding tiga ratus.. gw bilang gitu kan ke monster, dia ngaku dia salah, ya berhubung gw kasian, yaudah gw blg gapapa, dan gw ga bakal bales dendam.. beuh... tpi kyknya gw rada2 berubah pikiran deh tentang apa yang gw omong semalem hahahahaha tpi daripada gw juga ikut kena dosa, mending engga kan? ;) phew... kurang baik apa coba gw ke dia.. -_- dia blg dia dapet 1000 dari papanya, 1000 dari orang lain (ya org lain maksutnya cewenya lah ya), 500 dari gue. terus tpi dia malah blg klo gw kyknya ga nyampe 500 malah, cuma 10... gw uda sering kata2in dia lah, pas dia sedi, gw bikin tambah bete lah, ini itu, tpi kyknya yang menusuk di hati cuman pas gw bilang dia brengsek deh =,=" i'm not sure exactly how i feel about it, kenapa gw udah berusaha membuat dia sedih tpi dia ga sedih sedih?



Yeepee i just got back from bandung todayy hihi i was sooooo bored there, well except for yesterday because i went to rumah mode and bought some short pants, a cardigan and a hoodie hihihi. but for the rest 2 days in bandung, it's soooooooo boring. i'll go to bandung again when new year and chinese new year comes. my grandma and my dad will have a birthday there, besides, almost my whole fam is in bandung. i don't like being in bandung, i don't like my room in bandung, i don't know why :( i never sleep well there. so anywaaayys, when i got to jakarta this morning, my friends told me to go to fx and i did, it was so fun, tho. because i met my soo-per doo-per besties there hihi :]

right, so i changed my mind. i don't wanna think about anybody now, cause i think i need a break. don't wanna think about boys, i'm so not in the mood -_- i want to spend more time with peeps. oh, and fyi, i'm not into anyone right now :)


nothing much to talk about today, it's boring, as always. i am so damn miffed by these kumon papers! i gotta finish it today. well i am done with it, tho, just 2 pages left and i don't understand those questions so i left it blank. but thank God, i've opened my report card just a while ago and i got pretty good marks for my exams. except for science (as always) and int. hum -_- but my GPA had improved :D before this year's GPA, i got 7 sth and i got 7.8 this year :D i'm so happy. but o well, i'm still bored somehow.

so anyways, my heart's so hollow, but yet, my heart's exhausted. what should i do? i have to think of someone, it feels strange now. my heart's as empty as a broken glass or an empty gas tank =S i really have nobody to think about :( i want to love again, a real love ... and to be loved back by the person i really love. love is hard, isn't it? and unfair. why is it so hard to love someone? deep inside of me ... i'm suffering, and i'm just tired of pretending..


got nothing to do, and bored. i didn't do anything much today so far, just chatting, playin' pet society and turn on the tv for 1 hour -___- oh btw, MIB replied my sms yesterday haha but not now. i think he can't take it anymore, i've teased him too much, i guess ahaha he didn't reply my sms till now, tho, and will not, i think. cause i've teased him much enough for 3 days :P phew... what a boring holiday. i met Natasha yesterday at senci, we watched 'The Day the Earth Stood Still', it's good, but i think it is not worth watchin' twice. weehee, we took a lot of picts, tho.






hai hai MIB lagi sedih lhoooo hehe dia kemaren ternyata ga lupa soal janji dia mo sms gw, dia sms gw tpi telat. dia cerita gitu tadi, dia lagi sedih, well as usual, gara2 cewenya HAHA biarin aja tu orang menderita, KARMA TUH UDA SAKITIN GW waktu itu. ngekekekk dia minta maap gitu deh ke gw tadii. halah dia sedih2, gw sih sante aje gw ejekin, ledekin hahaha kyknya si dia uda cape gitu gw ledekin, ga bakal di bales lagi deh kyknya sms gw haha :P uda gw ledekin abis2an soalnya nyehehe kasian deh lo








yesterday mornin', MIB promised me that he will sms me yesterday night but he didn't -_- i don't know what's his reason, though, but that's annoying. maybe he forgot or something idk. i hate him even more today. so neways, this guy, panda's friend apologized to me today for what he did last time. actually, i already forget about that problem and forgive him before he did apologize. but yeah we're friends now, i don't wanna have haters and enemies. OKAY GUYS, I'M BORED! i got my kumon to be finished today but i just don't have my energy to do my kumon. i'd rather lock myself in my room all day and do nothing than to do those math questions -_- well, well, well, about my love problems thingy majeegy, just nvm. i am just going to take a break, tho i'm feeling lonely now :( got nobody to chat and talk everytime and nobody to think of... well find me a guy, anyoneeeeeee? i know it's too fast, but i need to think of somebodyyy, it just doesn't feel right, ya know... ? =S


it's over between panda and i, he ended our relationship yesterday. well bisa gw blg dia tuh nyebelin banget, tpi gpp lah gw ngerti (although gw kesel banget kemaren). kmaren dia blg klo ada kk kelas yang ga suka sama gw, well gw sih uda tau duluan ya sebelom dia kasi tau jg gw uda tau. but what did i do wrong? gw aja ga knal sama mereka ckck yah biarin aja lah, yg penting gw ga ngerasa salah, klo ada salah maapin deh. trus gw blg gw ga ngapa2in mereka ke panda, dia bilang itu bukan urusan dia jadi dia matiin telfon :D lucu ya?? what kind of guy is he? tell me. ya biarin lah haha lagi emosi kali. well, feeling gw sekarang ga sedih ga seneng gituu. kemaren gw bener2 gatau mo ngomong sama siapa, si grace minta udahan di telfon, nabila, nadira, jacklin gw takut ganggu lagi tidur kali ya mereka? jadi gw sms si monster deh... soalnya biasanya dia blm dibolehin tidur sama cewenya klo malem2 gitu ha-ha jadi dia temenin gw dehh. tpi kemaren dia ketiduran soalnya uda jam 2 sih itu hihi =.= udah segini aja deh huehue bye,bye.





i don't know what's going on, really. it's all a mess. panda and i haven't contact each other for like 2 weeks ha-ha, well i guess this is almost about the end between us (?) or what. well i have my reasons. this guy, his friend blamed me like 1 week ago i think i forgot, so he blamed me that i make mistakes that i've hurt him and yeah, he posted this pm which is telling me to break him up (nyindir) . so i asked him about his pm and he told me that his pm was for me, so i asked him what did i do and he blamed me and yeah... i can't tell exactly how the conversation was but well ... so sorry to say this but he was so rude, well i'm just staying true. so i blocked this guy and panda, aaaaaaaargh annoying! annoying! and he doesn't really have the right to be mad at me or something, don't you all think so? i mean, this is only between both of us, he's on his best friend's side, panda, but he can't blame me like this. he doesn't know anything, really. if he was me, he'll also be confused like me now, believe me. every step that i take, it's always wrong and i don't know what to take and i think this is the best choice... they don't really know how's my position, they don't understand... it's complicated, well just understand that it's complicated. i can't tell my whole feelings to everybody ... should i tell the world to make them understand? or what? :(:(:( I'M SORRY, OKAY, I'M SORRY if i've been hurting you all along! but this wasn't fully my fault, i don't say i blame him but he can't blame me. i've been apologizing to panda for many many times and before we got back, i've told him that i worried about him being hurt again and he told me he'll take all the consequences. guys, this is not detailed, okay? so for those who doesn't know the problem and have only read this post, you may not really get it. obviously, i can't tell the whole story here.



... and about MIB and I, is this exactly how the story ends? is my book going to be closed now and let the story hanged like this? or ... is there a continuation to this story?








yeayeay i am going to watch twilight todaaaaaaaay hihihi grace will come to my apt and we will go together to pim, thanks, grace :):):)

uhm so anywaaaaays, my parents haven't give me my presents for my birthdaaay! it's been 2 weeks and we haven't have the time to buy my birthday presents. i asked poppa and momma to buy me a webcam and a camera. I WANT COOLPIX S60 OR EITHER COOLPIX P6000 !





woohoo, exam's over, evreone! i went to jacklin's house and go together to agreni after school. urgh, i actually wanted to go to senci to watch twilight and yeah, my sister bought the ticket for me, but guess what? i called my driver so many times but there's no one hangin' up the phone, URGH MY DRIVER SUCKS! i was still in school while the movie had started, so i didn't watch it today and went to agreni (lesson) -____- arent we supposed to have fun today? everybody's not in the mood today, although i am. but actually the case is, i want to see ROBERT PATTINSON in the movie! :( awwwwwwh, he's so hot! geesh. takka look at his picture!




I've been up all night, you've been puttin' up a fight.
Seems like nothin' I say gets through.
How did this old bed fit a world between me and you.
We said "Goodnight" but the silence was so thick
you could cut it with a knife.
We've hit the wall again and there's nothin' I can do.
You're the one, yea, I've put all my trust in your hands.
C'mon and look in my eyes, here I am, here I am

You don't understand me, baby.
You don't seem to know what I need so much.
You don't understand me, my feelings,
the reason why I'm hurt, my dear

The mornin' comes, everything's the same
and I let myself believe things are gonna change.
Maybe there's no way we could feel each other's pain.
Tell me why it gets harder to know where I stand.
I guess loneliness found a new friend, here I am

You don't understand me...

You don't seem to get me, baby.
You don't really see what I feel inside.
You don't understand me, my dreams or the things I believe in, my dear.
You don't understand me. You don't understand me.
It's complicated, but understand me.