Life Isn't So Sweet

What a post~

2010-04-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

HELLO! Wassup, peeps? Haha I hateeeeeeeeee this blog. Bye.

Tumblr.

2009-11-26T01:51:00.001-08:00

helenajesslyn.tumblr.com

(this blog is no longer going to be updated, so see ya on tumblr!! :))

2009-11-24T19:15:00.000-08:00

Life's good.

2009-11-24T19:06:00.000-08:00

Silly boy.

2009-11-24T05:12:00.000-08:00

You're callin' more than ever now that we're done.
I said I'm not comin' back, you only want what you can't have.
Just too bad for you that when you had me, didn't know what to do.
Game over. You lose.
Cause you had a good girl that's a keeper, but didn't know how to treat her.
So silly boy, get outta my face. Why do you like the way regrets taste?
So silly boy, get outta my hair. I don't want you no more.

(taken from Silly Boy - Lady Gaga ft. Rihanna)

P.S. sorry, but i don't need someone like you -- the kind of guy who wants to be loved and given so much attention but never really pay attention to that someone who needs it most.

2009-11-21T23:57:00.000-08:00

Do you think men and women were made equally?
Dick Masterson doesn't think so. CLICK
Oh I fucking hate that man! So he also wrote about this top ten reasons why men are so much better than women. I think these are all nonsense. Some of the reasons are because Jesus was literally a man, men wear watches while women wear bracelets, women are obsessed with marriages, men got penises, every woman is a cheating whore and whatever.

FIRST, by knowing that Jesus was a HE doesn't prove that men are better than women.
SECOND, some women also wear watches! And not all women wear bracelets. Stupid.
THIRD, of course marriages are important! Of course marriage means you're not free enough to fuck just whoever you wanna fuck. How do you feel if the girl you love most fuck another guy?? Marriage is more than just dating and it's going to affect the rest of your life. I guess DICK Masterson never loves girls, not even his mom. How pity.
FOURTH, what's the big deal about men got penises? -_- It's just some long banana (well at least it looks like it) andddd, don't you know that one of the hottest women in the world that's so called Megan Fox changed his dick into a pussy? ckck...
FIFTH, wow every woman is a cheating whore, huh? What a blind son of a bitch. Bitches AND man-whores are everywhere dude.

I wonder why he hates ladies so much. I really think he is a freaking gay.

All you gotta do.

2009-11-21T04:05:00.000-08:00

Things happen and you just have to

You.

2009-11-21T02:52:00.000-08:00

I want to kiss you.

I want to hug you.

I want to feel you.

I want to watch the stars with you.

I want to kiss you under the rain.

I want to fly in your eyes.

I want to hold your hand.

I want to kill you for making me love you oh so badly.

I want to love you.

I want you.

Who are you?

More than three words...

2009-11-20T06:02:00.000-08:00

"But love, I've come to understand, is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other every day."

~Nicholas Sparks

Random :)

2009-11-20T04:59:00.000-08:00

A Christmas Carol is a movie which I thought would be marvelous but ugh, I was definitely wrong. I totally slept in the theater while the movie was going on -_- I don't get the point of watching the whole thingggg. If you want a real good christmas movie, watch Polar Express ;) Well, today wasn't really a good day after all. I don't know where my math books and folder are, plus I just don't wanna think about anything right now. F you, homeworks. Anywayy, I'm sooo gonna watch New Moon! WAAA TAYLOR LAUTNER IS DEFINITELY HOT! Can you believe that he actually gained 13 kgs, worked out soooo hard just to be Jacob?? He is stunning. Oh but Lee Min Ho's still better. Sorry, Tay! ;)

Oh. my. gosh. Look at his killer wink........................

Wow.

2009-11-19T07:56:00.001-08:00

These last few days had been unbelievable. W.O.W................. O_O I can't actually believe that this whole thing is over. Me and him? It's overrrrr! Hahahah. Okay me don't know what to say. The thing is, he wants me back. Me? I don't know what I want. This whole thing is just confusingggg aaa. Truthfully, I don't really wanna date anybody right now. I just need some time on my own and just ... love myself. It just feels REAAAL GOOD to feel good about yourself yknow? :) Love yourself and you'll be perfectly fine. I mean it.
Anywaaayy, what do you think of the 'cat picture' below? I literally kind of like it ;)

Sharp by ~sweetlove123 on deviant ART

Mind if you take a look at some more of my artworks? Thanks, buddies! Me love ya!♥♥

Life Goes On.

2009-11-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

He tries to please me

He says he wants to make me happy
But words are not enough for me to see
How you love me

I fell into a deep agony
When blood dripped from my heart
I thought I wasn't alive
It hurt to think forever we're going to be apart

But here I am now with you
Hey but I ain't gonna fall deep
Cause' I know I'm gonna have to let you go
Someday, somewhere, somehow

I know now that it's true
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger
I thought this feeling I can't fight
I guess I was silly to think I can't do any better

I love you
But I heart myself more
I love you
But I'm fine without you

~Helena Jesslyn Lestari Tan~

Two thousand and twelve.

2009-11-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

I just watched this movie and it was real cool. We're warned, the signs of doomsday are happening; earthquakes, economy crisis, weird diseases. Be aware, folks! 2012, the end of the world, is it true? We'll never know. Why wait three years? Even tomorrow can be the end of everything. Let the people you love know you love them, so if tomorrow never comes, you won't miss that chance and regret. Believe in God, love your family & loved ones, forgive people, learn from your mistakes, live life to the fullest!

TGIF!

2009-11-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

Is fourteen! Happy birthday to me ♥

Came home with precious gifts from you special people and chocolate all over my hair :D Today.was.a.blast! Thank you guys soo much! Love you all, buddies! XOXO ♥ ♥ ♥

T.G.I FRIDAY :')

16 Things.

2009-11-10T07:24:00.001-08:00

The idea of writing this post is from Cassey Bunn and here I'm gonna write what men should know about girls.

She read about it in the magazine and was thinking it would be great if we just make that one list :)

1. "I love you" is an important word. We don't want you to say it just to bullshit and make us happy.
We want you to mean it.

2. We still want you to say we're beautiful even on the worst hair days of our life.

3. We want you to say those three beautiful words often :)

4. When we're sad, all we need from you is a warm, long hug.

5. We're mad at you, but we want you to still call.

6. Girls hate it when you talk dirty.

7. We hate it when you say "sorry", even worse when you don't.

8. "I'll call you later", keep your promise, even the littlest ones.

9. The most important physical part of a guy is his body. But oops, we hate guys with too big muscles!

10. We expect you to call back when we hang up.

11. DON'T make fun of our clothes.

12. We love it when you surprise us with good things.

13. We are planners ;)

14. We got better memory than you guys do! So please try not to do anything which will make us sad as possible.

15. Anything you say or do with another girl that you don't want us to know about is considered cheating.

16. Never underestimate us.

Let's make things simple.

2009-11-08T08:01:00.001-08:00

Looking back to the old posts in this bizarre blog, I'm feeling weird and I'm so very hating my blog.

1. I was soooo devastated -_-

2. I was very really definitely absolutely into him.

3. This blog is sooo boring T__T

I'm sorry if my blog bore you! I know I talk about him a lot here but I really didn't know what to write about instead. Like what everyone says, love is here, there and everywhere :) Plus, there's nothing often really turn my sky into grey but him! Cause' to be honest, he rarely colors my days. All that's there were conflicts and when I got nothing to do & heartsick, I just feel like blogging and spit all the words out that my heart's trying to say. It's not my intention to think the way I think, to say the words I say, it just came out . . . To be frank and honest, I don't love him like I loved him back then. I just can't and I don't want to. Not that I'm saying I don't love him anymore, I do love him. It's just that I'm so scared of regretting... It feels like all the directions there are just leading to the wrong paths. Some people never really change, some try hard and really do change. Which one are you?

P.S. Today is actually his birthday! Haha happy birthday, Lexy! Gave him a box of 54 candies and 9 little notes. Why candies? Why 54? and Why 9? Be confused! :)

XOXO.

I Don't Love You Like I Did Yesterday.

2009-11-06T06:44:00.000-08:00

"When after all this time that you still owe, you're still a good-for-nothing I don't know."

~I don't love you - MCR

The Fear

2009-11-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

People come and go, every hello has its goodbye. It's only a matter of how long it'd take till the word 'goodbye' is told. People can be soooo deceiving... What hurts most is when you know you've been told such damn lies for a long time and you don't even know it. Think positive, think negative, everything is just soooo wrong! Changing my mind for fucking many times in a day is good for nothing. Every thought in my mind, every thing I've planned seem so dysfunctional. No no, I never tend to plan anything but who knows where thoughts come from?? At times, they just appear! Once in a while, I often hear those naughty devils whispering to my ear, telling me to do some horrible things which will make me such a bitch. Every so often , I think it's going to be fun to be so wrong, to be messed up you can't even think of anything, or care about anything. But just a few minutes after I think that way, I think of karma. Yes, I'm afraid of it. You may think people will never know your dirty secrets, but who knows? Broken promises are often made. They got ears, they got eyes, they dig into you. In the other way, somehow there's this curiosity burning inside me, pushing me to do things I'm not sure about... Surrounded by so many fake asses, everyone around is wearing a mask. They'd do anything to fit in, trying to gain more popularity as possible with empty hearts. What to do now? Sometimes, I just don't know who I am anymore . . .

What's right and what's wrong?

I'll say yes ;)

2009-11-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

Nicholas Sparks :)

2009-11-02T06:53:00.000-08:00

"He loved it when he dreamed of her because it seemed as though she were still alive. She would talk and move, he would hold her in his arms, and for a moment it seemed that everything was suddenly right in the world."♥

~Nicholas Sparks

I'm done reading Message in a Bottle and it was amazinggg !! Anywayy, this book was already adapted into major motion pictures, FYI. In the middle it was kind of boring but it turned out real sad and you just can feel the emotions Garret felt. Well I honestly cried a little when reading some parts of the book :P Message in a Bottle is recommended to read!

2009-11-01T06:01:00.000-08:00

J (gue): pakas(nama panggilan supir gue) pakas, pakas suka kangen ga sama istri pakas???

P: ya iya lah! pasti dong.

F (cc gue): pakas suka nelfon dia dong?

P: iya lah. dia itu istilahnya udah jadi salah satu bagian dari badan saya!

J & F: Awwwwhhh . . . ♥_♥

Almost over...

2009-10-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and 2 days ago had been strange. So many things were clouding up my mind and I just didn't know what to do. I was drowned in exhaustion . . . and I was just too tired to figure out the words to describe how I was feeling. Anyway, but I had to. That's the part I hate most -- lookin' for the right way to tell how I feel. Even as I'm writing these words, I'm still puzzled with what I was thinking. This feeling is peculiar and it's so hard to put into words... So instead of feeling lost, I just tend to not remember everything that went on in my mind. I did anything I could do to just forget about it by not talking to him and did something else instead. Well, it almost ended...

Ok I have nothing more to say.

And true, I've been emotional these days.

2009-10-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hey my biggest fan! I know you love my blog so much that you feel like wanting to use all my words here, but can you just back off? Poor bitch... fuck you.

*i know you know who you are. damn coward.*

Curses.

2009-10-29T04:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just wish I was a guy. Now tell me:

First, can you explain why girls suffer more than boys?

Second, why do guys make more mistakes than girls do?

Third, why do they very much like the taste of regret??

Fourth, is it just me who doesn't think rightly or it's just the fact? -_-

Eff. I hate guys! But I'm afraid that no matter what I say about them, I still need 'em. T__T

'And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"'

~ Hate Me - Blue October

Yes, sometimes they'd say sorry for hurting you. AFTER hurting you. Then, they'd left you for 'i-don't-wanna-hurt-you-no-more' reason and you'll found him having another girl for the next few weeks! While most of us, girls, we're still crying.... left. Heart broken. Yeah I know the case isn't always like this, but most guys are just the same -_- Assholes.

Been lookin' for ya.

2009-10-28T05:58:00.000-07:00

I need a friend I can really depend on.

I need a friend who cares and loyal.

I need a friend who's honest and fair.

I need a friend who listens.

I need a friend with whom I can laugh, cry, share my problems and hear her problems . . . and make her a very important person in my life :)

Oh why are you so hard to find, buddy?

Safe To Say.

2009-10-25T07:34:00.001-07:00

Do you know how it feels like to be stuck in a room and tunes coming out from your iHome that sat beside you was all you heard? You didn't know what to do, all you did is cry, cause' Mr.Supposedtobethere was never there. So instead of just sitting on the bed, you called your friend and talked for hours. He put you to sleep and it kind of cheered you up to know there's somebody else there for you, although you knew he's not really the person you wished to talk to. Until the next morning you thought about how Mr.Supposedtobethere made you feel stupid, you felt your stomach tighten and truth made you hate him more and more and more... Up to one day, you realized you're used to the situation here. You called your friend every night and you found him more interesting to talk to and you just didn't feel like talking to Mr.Supposedtobethere anymore. And wow, you even could guarantee that he didn't know you're calling your friend every single night. Cause' you're always there when he needs you but when he didn't miss you . . . he can easily just ignore you. Lost in confusion. Now you just don't know what to do; considering tomorrow you should really make a choice.

2009-10-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

See The World

You Found Me

Guess who's the person in the pics?! Yep, that's my lovely maidddd, Suratun Endang lol ;D I think they're pretty good pictures, not sure how others think though. But anyways, those images proved to me that a good picture doesn't really need a super skinny model & fantastic dresses!

.................... haha aimless post, I know.

2009-10-23T06:13:00.000-07:00

Did you find it soooo hard to just call me and talk? Is it a problem for you to spend Rp.1800 to listen and put me to sleep? Now why wouldn't you like me to have someone else to accompany me? I'm sad to know how I'm always there for you and the way I have to find someone else to talk with when I need you. So hey, stop being super dependent. I want my man to be a man.

Prove.

2009-10-22T04:36:00.000-07:00

I got low scores for my term 1 assignments and yes, mom and dad are so upset about it. I'm trying really hard to get high scores now. Indeed, school is getting busier and busier each day -_- The worse thing is they think that I got bad marks on my tasks is cause' the fact that I'm dating! ERGHHHH it's nothing like that.... Kay I admit I was lazy and I'm trying to be better. Sit back and relax, I'll show you my excellent GPA this semester, ma! I'll let you know that dating ISN'T the problem.

2009-10-20T07:26:00.001-07:00

"I had to leave because I was starting to actually care about you...and that just means I could get hurt. Maybe it was because I wasn't ready to like someone so much."

2009-10-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

♥ ♥ ♥

Disappointment. Love.

2009-10-17T10:09:00.001-07:00

1. Hey ma, I'm sorry I disappointed you... I know I got a very low score on my english test and I promise I'm gonna learn hard this term. It was my fault, I wrote such a bad essay and though I'm still puzzled why it was said off-topic, I'm gonna find out what I did wrong. I'm grateful you didn't do anything harsh -- you never did -- even though you're upset.

2. Love, I wonder if you really mean those words. I'm happy you came this morning, thanks. It feels great to woke up before noon and how I knew I was going to see you in just a few minutes after that. Sorry if I did/said anything wrong. I don't know why I said that though... I hope when everything's going well for me, it also is actually going fine for you. Oh, thank you for the perfume, the doll and everything else! You really shouldn't bought those, it's too much sayang :) They only made your suitcase heavier, but anyway, I love it. I love you.

A Castle In the Air

2009-10-15T09:52:00.001-07:00

The stars are shining

Like diamonds in the sky

The angels are singing

Songs as sweet as pie

Lying down on the bed

Close my eyes to sleep

Waiting for the angels to take me

Take me up high in the sky

Wishing if you could come with me

To my fantasy land

Cause' I've been longing to glare into those eyes . . .

To feel you, to touch you

There, we can do anything we want to

The sky is never sad

Cause' beneath the heavenly rainbow

I made something for you & me

. . .

A castle in the air.

~Helena Jesslyn Lestari Tan~

Recent thoughts.

2009-10-13T04:46:00.000-07:00

So many things to do, so little time. Yes, today is a quite busy day and it wasn't really pleasant. My days are going just fine, nothing special, just plain empty and dreary. I really am waiting patiently for a good day to come. Like Arlene always said: patience is a virtue! haha! And it's totally true :D I got not much things to write about here but I'm gonna write some random thoughts that appeared in mind these last few days. Sometimes I'm thinking that I have wasted too much money... Can you imagine how hard your parents work from morning till night?? When in fact, I'm sure we can't stand being in the class, same view everywhere, when a minute feels like an hour, learning science. Tiring, isn't it? But sometimes we still can't appreciate them and talk to them unsympathetically, maybe you'd even prefer to browse the internet and chat rather to sit down, accompany your parents to eat for dinner in the exhausting night. I sometimes think like that, too. Now I have realized that it isn't right.

Anyway, I got a few damn homeworks to be done, grrrrr. I'm tired :( Plus, I really want to read this book titled 'Message in a Bottle' by Nicholas Sparks but I got not much time :( Uh well, am reading it, FYI. I started to read this book since yesterday actually. I can't wait till I get to finish reading it!! Nicholas Sparks is LOVE GOD :) It's quite amusing to just read and imagine while we're super bored. Instead of wasting your time doing nothing, why not read? Time is too precious to be wasted. Sometimes when I really don't know what to do and what to think of, I ended up doing nothing. Sometimes, in moments like these, I'm worried to think that there's something I could've done and how I shouldn't let the meaningful time just slip away like that.

I guess I'm quiet used to the seconds where I feel dull and unfilled. Just like what kak Recca wrote in his blog, "Have you ever felt empty . . . So empty that even many was around you?". You can check his blog if you want. It's there in one of the boxes on the left. So... I guess things don't work out like I expected. I'm not sure with my own feelings, it's totally mixed up and crammed with questions I haven't found the answers to. I know I won't ever get the answer till I really am sure with my decision and decide what to do. So, we'll see! ;)

P.S. I made this post so colorful so it won't look so boring hahahha (ga penting, i know)

Laterz!♥

Sometimes

2009-10-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

You've got me under your thumb

Sometimes I feel so dumb
You put a smile on my face
But only sometimes
I'm sick of myself when I look at you
Sometimes I swear you make me sick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you
And tell you I love you
Sometimes.
. . . Cause' when I ask if you can mend my broken heart
You wouldn't know where to start.

Lucky

2009-10-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

Did your guy often get lost in conversations with you and the hours pass like minutes & he's more than willing to hear about your day? And even in your worse hair day, he still calls you beautiful... Did he always think of you, miss you, and want to be with you? Did he feel empty without you and tell his friends and families you may be the one? Did he want you to be with him whether he's going out with his male friends or whatever? And if you wouldn't be there, he couldn't get you off his mind and sneak off to give you a quick phone call saying "I miss you"? Along with that, have you ever found him to be more romantic all of a sudden which in fact he usually is not that type of guy til' you can tell you challenge him, motivate him and make him happy? Oh yes, he, as well, would do anything to make you happy! If yes, then you really are a lucky girl ♥♥

The Ugly Truth

2009-10-09T08:23:00.001-07:00

A teenager like me, who is still considered as a 'child' don't need to be serious. You know what? I think 'The Ugly Truth' just opened my eyes. You don't need to be with somebody you really care about, who the hell is serious today huh?? Everybody is a player, they take love as a game. But I'm gonna tell ya something: love ISN'T a game.

Nevertheless, almost everyone is being a jerk nowadays. So what's the point of being different? Now I know just what I'm supposed to do: do not care about anyone. Exception: families & friends. I guess love isn't so beautiful, huh? Broken hearts take a long period of time to heal. I had enough 'studying' of how it feels to be broken hearted and to feel hollow.

It's true that the most beautiful feeling of happiness is created by love.

BUT.

Searching for a real love ISN'T EASY. 90% people of the world are fake asses haha! Just sit back and relax. For girls, please make every guy that likes you suffer more than you. One thing you should know about me: I hate guys who are pampering all the time! You know? Like all the time! Like who the hell is the girl and who the fck is the guy?? It's as if the girl is the only one who has a duty of protecting the guy -_- Funny.

Okay, so the point isss... When we're this young, we got nothing to lose! ;) Enjoy the sweet moment of being a teenager and NEVER give anyone too many chances. You give em' three shots? Too much.

TRUTH HURTS. FACE IT.

"The more I know of the world, the more I think I shall never find a man whom I can really love."

~Marianne Dashwood

2009-10-06T03:34:00.000-07:00

♥"Just blow the speakers. We can sing like rockstars & dance like we're famous. We're just silly little girls who fall for stupid boys."♥

Hollow Words

2009-10-06T03:00:00.000-07:00

Surrounded by so many people's promising words
Words that would be broken for the next few months
Mouth filled full with candied words
But the sweetest words are the blackest lies . . .

"I love you", that's what they tell
But what if I'd gain ten kilos tomorrow?
Would you still promise you love me?
Or would you tell your friends "I dumped that fat girl"?

They say they care about me
But if I'd turn to believe you
Would you show me your affection and lend me some protection?
Or would you only care about your social status?

I'm in the middle of so many people's eyes
Eyes that are blinded, covered by lust
Oh they're as empty as a gas tank
They got no meaning, nothing.

~Helena Jesslyn Lestari Tan~

Miss moi?

2009-10-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

HELLO! I'm back from Spain, peopleeee. Damn, Spain was freaking fun! Now I miss that place already :| So what's up up upp? I'm good. No words can describe my holiday, well actually only one word can do: FUN. Yup. Ohh, and I miss being super crazy in Janice's hotel room and how Jovin laughed every time I tickled him hahaha (we call it the sotong syndrome xD)! So yea, I couldn't sleep well in the plane (obviously) and so I have spent a sleepless night yesterday. I guess I'm gonna rest my eyes just a few mins more. Okay so I have set up plans (uuuu) for me to feel better, maybe you'll know just what is it someday. Cause' what's the benefit of explaining the plan I set to this stupid diary anyway? No one understands. I'm not gonna be the one who's wrong. It's just the price you pay.

Anywaaaays, these are some photos in Spain :)

Oh, and our dearest tour leader, OM AMEN!! =)

Thank you so much for taking care and accompanying us shopping! :D

P.S. More pics at my devart (sweetlove123.deviantart.com) and facebook, of course ♥

To See, To Accept

2009-09-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

I want to be with you

I love you and that's why I need you

It feels so good to be in love

Although sometimes it hurts

From time to time, I wonder if you need me like I do

At times, I wonder if you really care

I don't know why I questioned those

But I often did

Maybe it's just me, you don't need to worry

Maybe it's just something in the past

Maybe I am too scared

To be disappointed, to be hurt, to lose you

Sometimes I'm just too drained to think

Because I can't get those thoughts out of my mind

The sickish views that I'm not supposed to consider

Maybe I am too scared

To be disappointed, to be hurt, to lose you

When you say I only see the negative sides of things

I guess you were right

Cause' maybe I am too scared

To be disappointed, to be hurt, to lose you

When I'm feeling heartsick and bitter

It's true that I think sickly

And I know it gets you upset

When I constantly accusing

I'm sorry, but maybe I am too scared

To be disappointed, to be hurt, to lose you

I know we need some time to understand

To change ourselves for the better

And for everything that I did

I just want you to know

That I did the whole thing because I care

And I deeply am in love with you

Baby, all we need is time

831

dedicated to my one and only bunny

Kuro-tan & Stitch.

2009-09-15T08:45:00.001-07:00

Aww I want Kuro-tan (gumpelan item) so bad... and Stitchy too!

Interview with LMH :)

2009-09-15T07:55:00.000-07:00

ISplus (IS): The “Crash Min Ho” scene at the PaekSang Arts Awards was a hot topic.

Lee Min Ho (LMH): I was embarrassed and humiliated. However, fans warmly cheered me on. I could verify my fans’ love.

(ME: Don't worry, I'm still with you and you're still my one and only! :D)

IS: What is your life motto?

LMH: “Those who give up cannot gain victory.” It’s not victory that is so important, but the fighting spirit. Even if you fail, I think even just the attitude of not giving up is beautiful in itself.

(ME: Awww, I'm proud of you sayang! Hey I got such a wise boyriend! hahaha!)

IS: Have you had a crisis in life that was difficult to endure?

LMH: The car accident I experienced in 2006. During the six months I had to stay at the hospital, I worried a lot about what I would do if I could no longer act. At first, I broke down thinking I may not even be able to walk again.

(ME: But you made it through! Cause you never lose hope :D I'd still love you even though you may not be able to walk again anyway! So don't worry hhi)

IS: What method do you use to relieve extreme stress?

LMH: I simply sleep. If I feel like the stress is still there when I wake up, I go back to sleep until the stress goes away. There was a time in the past when I slept for 24 hours straight.

(ME: Awww same samee hahaha)

IS: Which negative comment had the biggest impression on you?

LMH: It wasn’t an internet comment; it was a malicious remark that was broadcast. When Gag Concertcharacter Wang Bi Ho (Yoon Hyung Bin) said, “Lee Min Ho, what are you going to do when Boys Over Flowers finishes?” (negative connotation – “What the heck is going to happen to you after BOFfinishes?), my chest felt a chill. Figure out how to make a transition from the Gu Jun Pyo character is a big homework project for me.

(ME: Huff! Damn Wang Bi Ho! Of course you're still gonna do something big! You're such a talented guy!)

IS: What do you consider the most when looking at women?

LMH: Her overall style and feeling is most important. Even if she is not beautiful, my heart can be pulled by a strong feeling that comes to me.

(ME: Awww, you're not only having that most beautiful look but you're also sweet hihihi ILYSM!)

IS: When/Where/Who was your first kiss?

LMH: It was in my first year of high school (grade 10) with my girlfriend in front of her house.

(ME: She must be a VERY lucky girl... I think your lips are fvckin' hot.)

IS: If you get a girlfriend, what kind of present would you most want to receive from her?

LMH: I just wish I had a girlfriend. A girlfriend in herself is the present what I want most.

(ME: AWHH!!!)

IS: Approximately when did you date your last girlfriend? How long ago was it, what age and what occupation does she have?

LMH: I haven’t had a girlfriend since I dated a fellow university student when I was 20 (Korean age).

(ME: you're not like most guys who can't be single for just a month! you're not a playah :))

IS: If you get a girlfriend, what endearing nickname would you want to call her?

LMH: It would be different depending on her style.

(ME: Well he calls me 'sweetheart' cause he thinks i got a sweet sweet heart :D!)

IS: It must have been perplexing when photos of you with some female colleagues were publicized on the internet a while ago.

LMH: It was a little exasperating. They are pictures that could hurt me. Even though they weren’t my girlfriend, people misconstrued them to be. I felt so sorry toward the other people in the photos due to the malicious gossip that was spread.

(ME: Don't ever hurt my boyfriend! :()

IS: What will you do if your parents oppose your marriage like Boys Over Flowers’ Gu Jun Pyo?

LMH: I would run away with her. Even if we have to elope (”flight by night”), I would marry her.

(ME: Awwwh, I'd be glad to marry you LMH!)

IS: Which actress would you like to star opposite?

LMH: I would like to work with my ideal type, Song Hye Kyo sunbae (senior). Although she has an elegant and classic style, her charisma is also strong and her acting talent is outstanding. If we act together, I think I could learn a lot from her. But I’d probably tremble (be nervous) a lot .

(ME: Awas ya jangan selingkuh! :()

IS: Who is the person you want to meet most?

LMH: I would like to meet Hollywood actor, Edward Norton. The way he gives off a comfortable vibe while oozing out charisma is so impressive. If I meet him, I’d request, “I’d like you to be my master (teacher)”. First, I think I need to diligently learn English.

(ME: If he'd meet you, he'd probably be very happy to be your master! I'm sure he'd think you're such a talented actor yknow!)

IS: Which athlete do you like the most?

LMH: Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo. On top of having extraordinary talent, he is also good looking. I also dreamt of being a soccer player when I was in elementary school. If I was able to continue playing soccer, maybe I would have been an athlete like Cristiano Ronaldo by now.

(ME: Me likey Cristiano Ronaldo, too! Me likey everything you likey :D)

IS: What kind of food do you like and is there anything you’re good at cooking?

LMH: I like all meats and am good at cooking all meats. Cooking method? I just grill/roast it. I have a secret grilling method. Beef, pork, chicken, etc. – there’s a different grilling method for each meat. Even if it’s the same meat product, you will marvel if you taste the meat I grill.

(ME: Yeah, he grilled me some chickens yknow.. It tasted sooo good! He said he made it with love :))

IS: Which song is your specialty at karaoke?

LMH: Toy’s “That I was Once By Your Side” (”내가 잠시 너의 곁에 살았다는 걸”). Although Boys Over Flowers‘ Jun Pyo has a rough and defiant image, I’m a sweet romantic. Although I don’t have a talent in singing, I [still] sing because people tell me I do it coolly.

(ME: Of course you do it coolly! You always do everything cooly! Siapa dulu doong? Pacarnya Jesslyn huahauhaua)

IS: What are some objects that you always carry around in your bag?

LMH: I make sure to pack cologne because I want to be a fragrant guy all the time.

(ME: Yeah it makes me wanna be near you all the time with your AXE perfume hahahaha)

IS: What is your drinking capacity? Which alcohol do you like, where do you drink and with whom?

LMH: I can’t really drink much. It’s difficult to drink past three shots of soju. The alcohol I like are western liquors, although I can’t drink past one or two glasses. I’m not picky about the location. I can adapt to any environment and enjoy myself. However, I want to drink with people I’m confortable with and who don’t pressure me to drink alcohol.

(ME: First, I never pressure you to drink alcohol. Second, I know you wouldn't mind drinking with me ;))

IS: Do you have any jinxes, superstitions or customs?

LMH: I get injured during every film or movie project. Even if I’m careful, I get injured due to unforeseen circumstances.

(ME: I am always the one who gives you medicine, right? ahahaha)

IS: Do you have any sleeping habits?

LMH: They say I grind my teeth and talk gibberish. When we go on vacation, my friends try to avoid sleeping with me.

(ME: Awwwhh, I definitely don't mind sleeping with you!)

IS: Which three objects would you take with you if you had to be stuck on a deserted island?

LMH: A bed, a lighter, and a cellular phone. I’ll need to take a good bed in order to sleep well. Even if I’m on a deserted island, I’ll need to cook the food in order to eat it. Especially for someone like me who loves meat, a lighter is a mandatory requirement. Even if I’m stuck on the deserted island, I’d need to talk with people on the phone so that I don’t get bored. Plus, I have a lot of games downloaded on my cellphone.

(ME: Don't forget to call me! And if you're really stuck on a deserted island, I'd be happy to go there and stay with you! I don't care how long it takes . . .)

IS: Name a characteristic that you’re jealous of from each F4 member.

LMH: Kim Beom’s small face, Kim Joon hyung’s big eyes, and Kim Hyun Joong’s white (pale) face. Still, overall, I’m the most……..

(ME: You're the sweetest, most alluring, the loveliest! :D)

Sexy!

2009-09-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hot? Absolutely. Most guys are crazy about her! Shit I have to admit she's hot... She's pretty, though more to sexy. Argh I promise you someday my body will be like hers hahahahha ;) You know I'm really working hard on my tummy, I sit up everyday and and anddd I'm gonna make my up part legs firmer and some other parts, too. But anywayy, she's actually a dude, her body isn't naturally curved, she got her lips done and her nose too. But still.............. ergh I'M SUPER JEALOUS (.#_#.) Ok anyways, do you agree that there are more naturally charming actors than actresses/models? I mean guys don't really wear much makeup. Many celebrities I know are super ugly when they wear no makeup. Like an Australian model best known as one of the Victoria Secret's Angels since mid-2007 is stunning, foxy and elegant but without makeup, she's extremely different O.O Check these out! ::

Make-up on

Without make-up

Spot the difference? Wooh. NOW THESE ARE MY BOYFRIENDS!!! :) :) :) :)

One word for them: STUNNING. They are my angels gyagyagyaa♥

I love LMH the most, though hahahaha

ups, kelupaan ada satu pacar gue lg . . . .

TA-DAAAH!

hahaha ily btw

Takut . . .

2009-09-12T13:06:00.000-07:00

Aku takut...

Takut sama perasaan aku sendiri.

Aku takut kalo perasaan aku ke kamu tambah besar...

Aku takut kalo aku bakal jatuh terlalu dalem cinta... terus kamu sakitin aku untuk kesekian kalinya and i'm gonna have to pretend that i don't really care...

Aku takut kalo suatu hari aku gak akan bisa ilangin feelings aku ke kamu

Aku takut kalo suatu hari kamu udah bisa move on, sedangkan aku masih ga berdaya buat maju...

Aku takut kalo semua yang kamu bilang itu gak bener...

Aku takut kalo kamu cinta sm cewek laen

Aku gak suka kenyataannya kalo aku emang sayang kamu

Aku gak suka kebenarannya bahwa aku udah kasih kamu kesempatan berkali2

Aku gak suka faktanya kalo seolah-olah selama ini kamu cuma ngerasain enaknya...

Setiap detik, setiap menit dimana aku ga mikirin kamu, aku nganggep detik-detik itu sebagai hal yang aku banggain dan aku seneng kalo aku lagi gak mikirin kamu...

Tiap kali aku mikirin kamu, hal-hal negatif pasti dateng ke pikiranku!

Aku selalu ngerasa takut... Mungkin kamu yang dulu emang udah ilang, tapi kenapa ya luka-luka dihati yang pernah kamu buat gak pernah bisa lenyap? Aku trauma.

Kenapa ya setiap kali aku udah bisa menerima faktanya dan bisa percaya kamu, pasti ada hal yang buruk dateng? Yang bikin aku gak percaya kamu lagi...

Gimana kalo ntar kamu pas udah mau ke amrik kita belom putus? Dan saat itu juga kita harus putus karena aku gak bisa LDR? Pasti sakit banget rasanya... Tapi mungkin kita gak sampe situ kali ya?

Aku tau aku terlalu banyak mikir yang engga-engga, tapi aku ga bisa stop mikirin pikiran-pikiran yang menjijikan itu. Aku tau aku gak seharusnya mikirin apa yang bakal terjadi, tapi aku gatau gimana caranya stop pikiran2 itu masuk ke otakku. Kadang aku pikir semuanya ga adil aja... Sebenernya emang gak ada pointnya aku nulis kayak ginian, aku juga tau kamu gak bakal baca dan aku pun gamau kamu baca...

Unanswered.

2009-09-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

They say God is fair but why is life prejudiced & unreasonable?

Some say karma does exist but some also say karma doesn't exist. So which one is true? It's just an uncertain unsolved mystery. How can we know that karma really exist? It can be just coinsidence. Nothing really proves the existence of it and so far as I have observed and experienced, life is NOT fair. If life is not fair, then why rules have to be obeyed? I'm not saying that I don't believe in God, I earnestly believe in Him but is He fair? I don't know the answer. Superteen taught me that EVERY ACTION HAS CONSEQUENCE (whether immediate or delayed), yes I know that very well. Well, but sometimes the consequence that's happening is not as cruel, not as bad as what he/she did. However, as I mentioned just a second ago 'Every action has consequence, whether immediate or delayed' and so do karma as what many people believe.

So are they saying CONSEQUENCE = KARMA ?

Huh? I don't get it. If karma exists, then there would be more people think and consider that life truly is fair. On the other hand, still, there are more people saying that life is unfair though there are more people believe in karma.

i.don't.get.it

"But as if to knock me down

Reality came around

And without so much, as a mere touch

Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt

Talk about God and His mercy

Or if He really does exist

Why did He desert me in my hour of need

I truly am indeed Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that there are more hearts

broken in the world that can’t be mended

Left unattended

What do we do? What do we do?"

~Alone Again (Naturally) - Gilbert O'Sullivan~

P.S. Yet, there are still so much I wanna know the answers to. This one is only one of the infinite amount of unsettled secrecies and uncertain facts of life.

2009-09-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

*200th POST!*

haha btw i just made a short story, glad if you would just ch-ch-check it out!

http://my-girlfriend-is-from-fairyland.blogspot.com/

really trying to improve my english haha. ga penting deh, bye

Fuckin' fed up.

2009-09-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

Two days ago, you left me in the night wondering how you were that I couldn't sleep til' almost two in the morning but I get it, I understand. Yesterday, you know I had such an unpleasant day then you told me you wanted to be there when I need ya, but you left me marveling why didn't you reply my text in the lonely, lonely night. Today, you realized I was pissed by you and I waited for you to finish your experiment, then you approached me for only less than five minutes and left me, AGAIN. I'm so sick of your falling-asleep-suddenly syndrome, yknow? It's pissing me off. And you know you could just text me before you close your eyes that I assume you already know there's a big possibility that you'd fall asleep suddenly when you're already feeling dozy, but you didn't. You left me without a single sound til' the sun rose and you still asked this freaky sentence "kmu ga ngambek kan??", what now huh? You think I don't always try to appreciate and understand you? But how about MY feelings? Do you even think about it? Probably not.

Bad Day.

2009-09-10T04:47:00.000-07:00

i live in a world so full of lies, full of betrayers, hatred everywhere and i wholeheartedly want world peace. i fckin hate today. my body feels tired and im having these garfield eyes! ::

know how it feels like when you want to close your eyes but you just can't and it's one in the morning while tomorrow's school which is so frustrating and you know you're havin' a math quiz later on but you just can't concentrate on doing anything, you just reached school and you hear to some bad news saying one of your friends has a misunderstanding with somebody, so you gotta help out cause you know you gotta care about your friend, as time flies by you know it's time go home but suddenly your driver tells you he's going to the bank and will pick you up late, then your freaky boyfriends tease you with such pleasure while it actually annoys you, embarasses you or even almost hurts you. when you finally reach home, you find yourself shedding tears feeling lonely and feels like nobody really cares, however at that point, you still have to think about those homeworks and term test next week all at once, along with that, you still think of uncertain horrible things that you aren't supposed to wonder about but you just can't stop from absorbing those images to your wits? get the point? so sorry if you don't.

P.S. thank you so much for the talk, Spongy!! You made me feel LOTS better :D

Kutukan

2009-09-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

Kata-kata itu bergema di kepala
Berdebat tiada habisnya
Aku berbaring tidak berdaya
Hatiku terasa hampa

Sakit yang mendalam menusuk di hatiku
Perih luka-luka hati selalu terasa didalam
Hari-hariku serasa gelap bagaikan malam
Apa salah aku, papa?

Pergi sajalah!
Anak sialan!
Kaulah kutukan!
Itu yang dia bilang
Apa salah aku, papa?

Hatiku mati rasa
Dia lah satu-satunya yang aku milikki
Aku hidup di dunia ini tanpa kasih sayang seorang bunda
Aku kah penyebab kepergian ia?

Setiap nafas yang aku hembus
Seperti tiada arti
Apa maksud dari semua ini?
Mengapa aku harus ada?

Maafkan aku, papa
Aku tidak bermaksud menjadi sumber kehancuran
Aku memang sampah yang tidak berguna
Aku tidak seharusnya hidup . . .

~Helena Jesslyn Lestari Tan~

School sucks.

2009-09-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

Damn I'm being such a procrastinator lately -__- Every time I got the want to study, it would last in 5 mins and I'd be like a pig, sleeping and eating ha-ha. I couldn't concentrate on studying these last 2 days, only a few hours ago after I had my lovely nap til' this second I can. Since I haven't sleep in at least 8 hours lately, I've been really dozy in classes. Oh yes, especially in Mr.Radek's class T_T Term test is next week! I'm really frustrated, yet I'm afraid if I'm not gonna get great marks. I gotta catch up!!! *_* and whoo-hoooo 1 day right after the exam's done, I'm going to Spain 8) I furiously can't wait for it! Oh well, wish me luck for the tests, peepz! Xoxo :)

Wait. This is random but I got a question. Is it true that every human in the world greedy? And never gonna feel satisfied for what they have? What can we do about it? *wondering* :S

Current obsession:

AARON JOHNSON :)

2009-09-05T01:30:00.000-07:00

831♥

slut

2009-09-04T07:54:00.001-07:00

BACK OFF, BITCH.

let everything be, accept the fact and BE GONE. f you.

Not So Lucky

2009-09-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

1. I DESPERATELY AM IN NEED OF HOLIDAYS.

These fvckin' homeworks are drivin' me crazy! I just made the movie for I.T and now I still haven't done my short story for english -_- OH AND MATH (shit I just remembered). Although the due date for english is next week but term test starts on Sept 14! I'm gonna have to study, ergh... Time flies by so fast, it feels like I just stepped my grade 8 life yesterday but see now, it's already almost term 2, wow. And grade 9 will surely come briskly anddd he's gonna move to america. If I would still going to be with him until the end of grade 9, our journey would surely end on that time. See I can't go through a long distance relationship, it's just impossible... *sigh* But whatever, maybe we wouldn't go that far. Well, who knows? Anyways, today at P.E class, my nose got banged by my friend's head while she was running; it freakin' hurt! I couldn't stand myself so I cried, errr. Oh so embarassing... I never like crying in front of many people. Ridiculous.

2. I TRULY AM IN NEED OF A REAL FRIEND.

I need a friend who would love to keep all my secrets, I need a friend who would understandably listen to the craps I'm talking, I need a friend who would try to make me feel better when everything feels so wrong, I need a friend who wouldn't backstab me, I need a friend who would support me, I need a friend who would love me for me.

3. I INDEED AM IN NEED TO HUG ALEX<3

I need and I want to feel the warm touch of your hands, your arms around me ... your soft lips on mine. I need you, Lexy. I do. :( Oh darling I wish you were here with me tonight...

Goodnight.

2009-08-31T09:40:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day and I'm very tired. I just finished my science essay and so now it's time to say goodnight. Goodnight, sleep tight. Dream sweet dreams for you. Dream sweet dreams for me. Close your eyes and I'll close mine. Now the moon begins to shine, now the sun turns out his light. Goodnight everybody, everybody everywhere goodnight hahaha :)

P.S. hating my new layout! i definitely will change it, soon enough.

xoxo

MBFIL (what?).

2009-08-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

*Pregnant before marriage *amitamitjabangbayi!*

*Marry the wrong person (if that happens, i'd be suffering my whole life!)

*Loved ones' death.

*No family :|

*My face got burned..................... (OH NO! *_*)

*No money, no house..........................

*Whatever part of my body got amputated (haaa takut :S)

*Cannot satisfy the ones I love

*Not living life to the fullest

*Being sterile @___@

*The pain of giving birth

MY BIGGEST FEARS IN LIFE.

First Kiss.

2009-08-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

Personally, I feel pity for those who had their first kiss with the 'wrong person'. A first kiss must be filled with love and beautifully remembered. Unfortunately, some people prefer to have their first kiss just because they want to know how does it feel to kiss somebody. What I meant by kissing the 'wrong person' is when someone prefers to have a first kiss with someone who he/she doesn't even love! I mean ... wow. The feeling is just different... When you kiss with someone you love and you don't love. You can feel his/her love by a kiss from them, but different when that person doesn't really love you. Kissing with somebody you love, you can feel the static ... a wonderful sense, yknow?

DO NOT have your first kiss with someone you don't love, I just don't think it's a lovely idea.

Forever Is Not So Long.

2009-08-27T08:10:00.000-07:00

It was a mad Saturday night

Nothing seemed alright
Cause' all I could do is fight
Fight & try to pull out these knifes that pierced my heart

Your words seemed bona fide
Now you tell me that when you meet me
You feel no thrill in your heart anymore
No shivers nor static at the back of your neck

Now you're kissing another girl
You told me I'm no good no more
All of the promising words are shattered
I don't know what to consider

Funny how a simple sentence

Could be a blinding light

"Forever and always", that's what you always said

I guess forever is not so long

~Helena Jesslyn Lestari Tan~

Sorry

2009-08-27T05:55:00.000-07:00

You know sometimes there are teachers who are not listened all the time when they teach. I know some of these teachers and honestly... I feel pity for them, really. But what to do? They usually talk very monotonous and we become dozy after that. When that happens, we wouldn't be able to understand the subject. So what's the point? Don't misunderstand, I really know how it feels not to be listened; but every time I try to listen to them, I just automatically can't. No matter how hard I try.

ME BORED
=

Sorry, teachers, for being like this in your classes almost the whole time!

Ily, Lucas Till.

2009-08-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

SWEET♥

Vexatious.

2009-08-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

I give up on my parents, I totally detest the way they think. Why can't you both just believe me,ma and pa? I've been trying my hardest to always be honest with them but they always make me lie in the end! If only they'd believe me, their own daughter, I wouldn't lie to them. But I guess if that's the way they want, what can I do? I thought my father said that I could go out with my boyfriend somewhere aside my apartment after a few times he would come to my house. He came to the house two times already (as what poppa and momma knows) and it's enough. What do they expect from him? They don't even talk to him when he comes, just say hi and go. So what's the point, huh? Btw, I'm not saying that he comes only for my parents' desire, he didn't seem to have this unwillingness to go to my apartment though. My parents were telling as if I am not allowed to go anywhere together just with him beside my house. Whut dah hell? What to do there, ma, pa? Go down to the complex? To the pool? And then? Ha! I'm sick of them. They can't understand my feelings nor my sister's feelings. Believe or not believe, my 16 year-old sister should follow that rule my parents made, too! What is she? A kid? HELLOOO??!She's old enough! Can you imagine me, 16, still can't go anywhere with a boyfriend? We need sensations, not just in the home. The whole thing is just too exaggerated... 19 is the age where we are allowed to go together with a boyfriend somewhere else beside the house. NINETEEN -_- Unquestionable. Of course I indubitably hate my parents for this! I mean it. I know you both were the smarties and the not-think-about-relationships ones when you were my age, but I'm NOT you. So can you just please accept the fact that I'm not like you? Like some kind of toleration, I guess.

Me: ya mama papa blg kalian percaya sama jessy, tpi kenapa coba gak boleh? sama aja kan gak percaya?
Poppa: *senyum2* ya gak gituu....
Momma: pokonya that's OUR RULES.

TOTALLY.AGGRAVATING!
Shits.

So I told Alex to not mind if I'm going to lie to them at times and he understands. He literally doesn't want me to lie to them and I tried, alright? But if this is the way, no way I'm not gonna lie to them, sorry.

Want me to be opened to both of you, yeah? Impossible.

2009-08-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

We'll stop the clock together and know that the timing was right~ :)

The Perfect Man

2009-08-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

Adam: I read once that love is friendship on fire. That's how I feel about you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holly Hamilton: It's no biggie. There's friends everywhere. Right?

Uncle Ben: He could be anywhere in the world but he chooses to be with her because life is better with her by his side.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adam Forrest: It's like all of the bad stuff that you went through that you hated along the way: the people who disappointed you, the things that didn't go the way you wanted; suddenly, you feel grateful to them, because those are the things that got you to here, to this.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Uncle Ben: Have you ever seen an orchid; how it floats in the water, so delicate and beautiful? When a woman gets an orchid; it's, well she feels like she's floating on a cloud of infinite possibility.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jean Hamilton: Unfortunately, honey pie, new people are only new for a day. After that, they're just people. Who'll excite you, disappoint you, scare you a little bit. And boy do I know how tempting it is to run away when that happens. It's good for avoiding things. But the problem is that you end up avoiding yourself. Avoiding people you love. You end up avoiding life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adam Forrest: Newsflash. Everyone's scared. That's no reason to run away.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WATCH IT! ;)

Hanging By Thread.

2009-08-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

See? Every time I'd start considering to think about the positive stuffs, it'd turn out just so negative. I'm exhausted of being so disappointed all the time! Feeling very somnolent, tired, annoyed and so heartsick. I can feel the butterflies in my stomach right now... It feels like I'm going to vomit! :| Ergh. So I got soo many homeworks to do and I'm totally freaked out, like TOTALLY. When I was in the car on the way to Pancious, my mom suddenly called, mad at me just unexpectedly and out of the blue! Said I wasn’t supposed to go with my sister alone just the both of us, it’s not a healthy lifestyle and LA-LA-LA! Blah! Why can I go with just a friend hangin’ out but not with my sister?! Oh yeah, my sister asked her that and she went speechless for a sec and started to talk shits all over again. So I bought oreo cheese pancake which was supposed to be lip-smackin’ but it wasn’t AT ALL. I was waiting for the pancake with my sister and my boyfriend was there, too. We actually kinda had this plan to meet up, my mom doesn’t know. When the pancakes were in the making, a very sickening, nauseating devil came up so unpredictably. Guess who? Oh yes, she’s his ex-girlfriend. I can’t figure out why but he seemed so happy to see her. I really am crying while writing these words, I’m tired :”( Today really is mad, so am I… I really miss them, I miss the old days, I miss every single thing :’( If only everything that’s happened didn’t happen, then everything would be just okay. I’m sick of you, sick of school, sick of math, sick of homeworks, sick of tears, sick of the people around me (excluding some ppl). There’s nothing I can do now but expressing my feelings to a public diary that doesn’t even talk. I don’t feel like I have anyone who really cares… I see so many people around and nobody seems to get a problem like I do. Why? Am I growing up way too fast? Or my mind is just so complicated that no one can seem to understand and get my point? If only I didn’t love at all, things wouldn’t have happened this way right now. Look at me, I’m just a 13 year-old girl, will be 14 in less than 3 months. I’m just a little kid with a complicated mind and heart; it’s a negative thing. But I’ll just take the positive side, I’m just gonna be Ms.Brightside in this case. I’m having my heart broken just too many times because of Y.O.U, and I realized that you were such a FVCKIN' BASTARD, I don't even know that you WERE or you still ARE. My tears are like diamonds, you're not worth it I know. Probably I’m just so afraid of being hurt again that I’d have to wait for months and months or maybe even years to pick up all the pieces of my heart and put it together again. This world is just full of wicked, brainless betrayers. Full of unkind, black lies… It’s so hard to trust anyone but the girl in the mirror. Does he even care of whatever I am feeling? Perhaps he’s havin’ fun texting her. Is he even thinkin’ of me? *chuckles* Just feel like laughin’ to myself, quietly.

So sure of the uncertain, not knowing what to believe & consider. Hating myself for being such an idiot, foolish and immature.

Spiritless.

2009-08-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

It's eleven in the distressing night and I'm still reading this freakin' short story -_- I still have I.T and science to finish, ergh. Today is so dispiriting, I don't know why but I'm feeling so lackluster today, I'm tired though I'm not doing anything! Math quiz tomorrow and I haven't understand some of the lessons taught :( Feeling dozy and wanting to rest my eyes but I just can'tttttt. I slept two times at class today and I dreamt of something in the class actually haha what a day. Ok so, whatsoever. He's also busy, yeah of course I gotta understand, he's grade 12. Geez. Now nothing really happened, just some thoughts in my mind. I just can't stop thinking of the 'WHAT IF' thoughts, I gotta stop wondering. Honestly, I want my feelings for him to decrease. Somehow I still can't forget and keep remembering how he made me feel in the past, and 'past' is NOT so long ago. I'm frightened, lies are everywhere. Every time I think of how he once made me feel so blue and broken, I'm just petrified like a statue ... and yes, tears will start rolling down my cheeks. Now everything's changing and so do people, broken promises are often made. I don't know why every time I thought of the positive things, negative things would happen. So every time I started to trust him, he always disappointed me. It's heartbreaking, you know? I'm tired of being the one who always shed those painful tears all the time... Is it possible if now he had changed? He really is trying, I know. I just hope I can trust him like I did before, I must anyhow. Otherwise, how can this relationship work out well? Love can't live without trust.

Quotes for the day:

"No fear, no regret."

"No matter what you say about life, I learn every time I bleed."

Well, that's it for now. I think I'm really gonna focus on this short story right now! Not sure I can, though hehe. Night, peahpol! XX.

apa sih

2009-08-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

hello gue baru balik dari ps, gila loh kenyang bgt deh.. shitty abis, gue pengen perut gue bisa firm :( tp males deh exercise. gue bngung sndiri nih mo ngmng apa hahahaha my feeling lg biasa aja sih gak gmana2. td gue baru nntn ps i love you, aduh kasian bgt yah :( i know udah ketinggalan jaman hehehe tp gpp donk? xP aduh gila deh kasian bgt.. gimana ya kalo gue jadi holly? gue gk tahan liat dia depresi gitu. gerrynya seems to be a funny, hot guy gitu.............. life is so unfair at times. sometimes gue pengen bgt deh ngebantu orang2 yg lagi ngerasain sakitnya cinta, maupun orang yg lg butuh uang.. kasian banget rasanya, pengen gue kasih uang satu2. oh iya i would like to share some thought aja nihh (mumpung gak ada kerjaan hehe). well, gue punya mba yang uda lama bgt kerja di gue, dia dipanggil suster sm my family. dia tuh uda kayak part of the fam banget dehh. she works for us udah 10 taunan. gue nyesel banget udah sering marah2in dia, dia itu padhal baik banget......... dulu waktu gue kecil, dia yg suka beliin gue JET Z, cheetos, dan kerupuk kalo gue lagi mau. dia juga yg mandiin gue, dia yang cuciin baju gue, dia yang suka gendong gue dulu, dia yang ngelonin gue tiap malem dulu.......... kayaknya i feel sinful bgt udah galak sama dia. tapi emang kadang suka rese huhu well im sorry, im doing my best kok to control my emotions. ya udah segitu aja, maaf ya lagi gak jelas buhbye

"Why Can't I Be ..."

2009-08-14T08:07:00.000-07:00

I’m a human
Just like any other man
I breathe, I walk, I talk
I hear, I see, I live

I was fine along the way
Til’ I realized something …
Something inside of me,
Different

Something passed me
Something beautiful
Something that made my heart skip a beat
Something that changed my life, forever

As I looked into those eyes
The incessant angel’s songs heard in my ears
Every time I tried to open my mouth
Suddenly it was all buttoned up

I didn’t know what’s wrong with me
I shouldn’t feel this way
Teddy Bear is my friend
Mommy thinks I’m strange

Others were playing football
I was playing dress-ups
Everybody laughed at me
I was ashamed to be me, so embarassed

Now that I can see . . .
I’m a gay
But you shouldn’t treat me this way
Inside, I’m dying.

~By: Helena Jesslyn Lestari Tan~

5CM

2009-08-14T04:26:00.000-07:00

Hey I just found out that reading book is quite funn hahaha it's like there's a suprising thing happened to me . . . I turned to like reading books recently! :P I just read this indonesian book titled 5cm and it's quite interesting I guess. I found many good quotes from the book, although most of these quotes isn't made by the author himself. So these are the good quotes I've found :

1. "Every man dies, but not every man really lives."

2. "To be or not to be! ... that is the question."

3. "Cogito ergo sum." (Aku berpikir maka aku ada.)

4. "She'll let you in her mouth if the words you say are right, if you pay the price... She's got a secret garden where everything you want, where everything you need."

5. "Yang gue omongin itu cuma dari mulut gue, bukan dari hati gue, dan berhenti di mulut gue, nggak terus ke hati gue, nggak sampai ke hati gue."

6. "Yang penting kan kita bareng2 terus...menghargai pendapat semuanya, selera semuanya, ketawa buat semuanya, sedih buat semuanya. Lagian kita jangan pernah saklek bilang nggak suka sama sesuatu karena nggak ada yang saklek dan pasti di dunia ini; semuanya berubah. Satu-satunya yang pasti di dunia ini adalah ketidakpastian."

7. "Yang penting kita jangan pernah omongin kejelekan orang kalo orangnya nggak ada. Kita nggak akan bantu dia soalnya dia nggak ada disitu, dan kalo emang ada kejelekan orang, langsung aja bilang ke orangnya. Dengan begitu kita bantu dia mengerti akan dirinya..."

8. "Through the fire, through the limit, through the wall, for a chance to be with you, I gladly risk it all. Through the fire, through whatever come what may, for a chance of loving you. I take it all away, right down to the wild, even through the fire"

9. "Dalam genggaman dia yang akan selalu memberinya sayap yang akan membawanya terbang tinggi dengan angin-angin cinta, kerinduan, perhatian, dan mimpi-mimpi yang akan selalu menerpa lembut wajahnya, sayap yang akan selalu menjaganya."

10. "Woman was created from the ribs of a man. Not from his head to be above him, not from his feet to be walk upon him. But from his side to be equal, near to his arm to be protected and close to his heart to be loved."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I learned much from reading those lovely quotes :) I realized of how important to be a risk taker is, what's thrilling about life if you'll only stay the same? Don't waste your time!! Life is only once and it is full of golden chances, but many people just don't see it. Yes, you have the freedom to choose your own way of life! You choose to be or not to be something, it's all up to you and you have the right to choose. But remember, every action has consequences. That's why, take risks ;) And beyond any doubt, I clearly like the fourth quote! Yknow there are selfish people who don't want to think about other people. Probably they feel sinless and perfect. NOBODY is perfect. Look, don't ever let anyone kiss (or do 'activities') you before your status is crystal cuh-lee-year. You may not know them so deeply, even if you feel like you have known them well. What if every thing that he/she said is just crap? Like bullshits, and they never really mean it when they say those words. Sometimes, meaningful words to us are just some hollow, senseless words to others. What if they tell you you're just a friend after that? Responsible people are rare, I tell you. Many wear appealing masks, they don't want to be themselves. I know many people who are just altruistic in the beginning, yet abandoning you after they get what they want. Many people I know (guys especially) only want to have a partner to fulfill their desires and lust. Don't fall so easily, cause once you're in love, you're in love. And this ... this is the most important thing I have learned from the book, appreciate other people. If you want to be listened, then listen too. Don't say something so surely cause you will never know what you'll get in the future, this world is full of uncertainty. I've been wanting a true friend who will always appreciate, listen and there for me ... But I just haven't found one. Well, patience is a virtue! :D I confess I dislike people who talk about other people's bad sides behind their backs. Why not just spit it all out to the person you dislike? In fact, we can help that person to understand her/himself by doing that. Before talking about other people's imperfections, remember to be reminded that you're not perfect, too. Oh and talking about quote #9, it's really true, isn't it? When somebody really really loves you, that person would give you wings to fly high . . . yet they'd always protect you, would never let you fall. In times of grief, they're gonna be there for you no matter what :)

Unsweetened.

2009-08-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our 3rd month anniversary & of course it was supposed to be a happy day, but unfortunately ... it sucked. We fought that day, arguing and all. Bitter tears rolled down my cheek for times, it isn't the first time that I felt that way; so sorrowful, heartsick and grieved. My mind was full of negative imagery, especially the 'he doesn't care' thought. Many questions were floating in my head, kept knocking inside. 'How could this happen to me?', I screamed soundlessly for freakin' uncountable times. I can't really see how he cares for me... Well, but in some cases I can. I mean, it's really hard for me to talk about myself... I don't think he minds. He's just sickly selfish, wondering if I'm wrong expecting him to change. Maybe it's not easy to make a difference, but he is ABLE to if he wants to. In times of grief, he didn't even try to cheer me up ... or maybe he didn't even notice the signs of how I was feeling. I was questioning myself, marveling if it's common for it's always other fine people whom I do not know very well that are always there for me, night and day. Everybody needs attention, everybody wants attention. Yes, especially from the ones you love. He's just too busy talking and considering about himself. It's like he's only there when he needs me... Every time I think of how he often makes me feel, it makes me want to cry. I have always tried to hold back the tears, sometimes I can but sometimes I just can't. I saw the girl in the mirror and I saw me, the person that's always been there for me, anytime and anywhere. I stared at her, I looked into her eyes and realized, I got a bright future out there. I'm young and good, I am sure I'm gonna find a person who will make my whole world bright :) Many guys out there but good guys are definitely hard to find. I'm not saying that he is not a good guy, I'm just saying.. I'm not sure what I am thinking, though. I'm just hoping that everything is going to be okay and every thing that had happened is for the best. If yesterday was bad news, today's good news :) He came to my house, met my parents and we talked for hours. It was enjoyable, today was quite good. But somehow my heart's still asking, puzzled and wounded. It's tough for me to trust anyone but myself, I keep thinking of the hard, dreadful thoughts. I realized I'm hurting myself too much, but I just can't stop myself . . .

Unseparable Love

2009-08-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

I got nothing much to say, so I just finished reading 'The Notebook' today.

I know it's been a long time since the book and the movie were published, but who cares? :D I think that book is marvelous! Noah Calhoun, the main character, he's such a gentleman. Who doesn't want a boyfriend like that? He's lovely, so sweet. So he fell in love for the first and the last time with this girl named Allie. He was haunted by the sweet memories they had. They were forced to be apart because of some reasons, but in fact, they would always come back for each other. Here are some beautiful quotes I found:

"You're the answer to every prayer I've offered. You are a song, a dream , a whisper, and I don't know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have. I love you, Allie, more than you could ever imagine. I always have, and I always will."

"In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you and rock you, and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry, I cry, and when you hurt, I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods of tears and despair and make it through the potholed streets of life."

"When I see you, my darling, in the morning before showers or in your studio covered with paint with hair matted and tired eyes, I know that you are the most beautiful woman in the world."

"You are a lover of life, a strength to those who shared in your friendships. You are a dream, a creator of happiness, an artist who has touched a thousand souls. You've led a full life and wanted for nothing because your needs are spiritual and you have only to look inside you. You are kind and loyal, and you are able to see beauty where others do not. You are a teacher of wonderful lessons, a dreamer of better things."

"She was my dream. She made me who I am, and holding her in my arms was more natural to me than my own heartbeat. I think about her all the time. Even now, when I'm sitting here, I think about her. There could have never been another."

"I ne'er was struck before that hour, with love so sudden and so sweet. Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower and stole my heart away complete."

"The body slows with mortal ache, yet my promise remains true at the closing of our days. A tender touch that ends with a kiss will awaken love in joyous ways."

"Our souls were one, if you must know, and never shall they be apart; With splendid dawn, your face aglow. I reach for you and find my heart."

Ah, those words are beautiful, aren't they? His love for Allie seemed to be so deep ... yet, they're very loyal to each other. Oh well, I do believe in true love :)

7 Things Girls Might Hate About Their Guys

2009-07-30T08:07:00.000-07:00

1. Comparing her to someone else
Guys who compare his girl to someone else totally suck, just back off. I bet everyone hates to be compared to whoever it is. Sometimes it might be a compliment, but some compliments spoken by comparing, sometimes . . . it just feels annoying.

2. Say freakin' bad words in front of her
Although you might say those bad words to someone else, but do your best not to say those words in front of your girl. It actually depends on how she feels about it, some girls might feel just okay. But I, honestly don't really like it if my boyfriend speak bad words in front of me :)

3. Left her without any specific reason
Geez! NEVER left her without any specific reason. If you're bored with her, tell her. If you no longer have feelings for her, tell her. But remember! Sometimes the word, 'Bored', doesn't always mean you don't love her anymore. You might miss her and regret your decision, so think wisely ;) Chances don't always come twice, or thrice.

4. Tell too many bullshits
Guys bullshit, true or true? lol. But no, don't bullshit too much... Girls might hate it.

5. Damn lies spoken and busted, but still you aren't much of a man to tell the truth
Busted telling lies, but when she ask you about it, you still tell lies and never wanna accept that you're a horrible liar. How stupid. Honesty is the best policy!

6. Calling upon the past, talking about your ex -_-
For you who do this, you really don't know how to appreciate others' feelings and you're such a selfish effing creature, I tell you! ckck.

7. Pay attention to other girl(s) while hanging out together with her
You really shouldn't do this! I presume you know why.

Admirably Strange.

2009-07-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

Questions swam around in my mind

Confusions is what it seemed to find
I felt like I was in a fool's paradise
Always given all those hamburgers and fries

The incessant of the voices inside
Mostly telling me to enjoy the ride
I kept quiet in that lonely night
Suddenly I realized that spark of light . . .

As I came near, it became brighter
It gave me confidence to become a fighter
When I thought that I lost that hope
You gave me a brand new rope

When I needed someone, you came here
In the midst of pendamonium, you're always near
"I'll be there", you comforted til' I have no fear
The reason why I'm in this position became clear

As pleasing and admirably strange as you are
You have always kept your pulchritudinous words
Your kindness is like a road of tar
You want everyone to be happy, both jocks and nerds

So I'm just here to say thank you
For encouraging me in what I do
You're one of the friends that's rare and true
And now, I really really need to go to the loo! xP

hahahah buat siapa ya???

xx,
Jess♥

Dry with words.

2009-07-25T05:02:00.001-07:00

Yesterday had been bad, but something happened. I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not, but I'm sure it is, in some ways. My life is precious, but nothing much. Almost every tomorrow is like yesterday, not much difference; same activities, same schedule. It was slightly more than 9 'o' clock in the hard night and my parents just got back home. As they opened the door and started to walk in, I had already the idea of telling them about my relationship with my bunny. "Oh God, please help me to talk rightly! Give me the nerve to talk to them!" Those were the only sentences in my mind. One hour passed, it was 10 'o' clock. I got up from my chair, walked and passed the living room trying to reach in to their bedroom. I was there (unusually) and just watched the TV there while thinking of the words I should said. It's like my mouth was buttoned up that I couldn't say a thing! It was never easy to think of good words and it took me one hour later to get the guts to talk to them. Finally, I told them about it! They giggled as they heard me saying those awkward sentences. Actually, it's Alex who wanted to let my parents know about this, he really really wanted them to know, I promised him to tell them yesterday and I did! Wow. First thing first, they said they wouldn't allow me to go somewhere just the both of us, just yet. They wanted him to meet them first and slowly they'll think of it. Well, that's what they said and I just obey their rules. They wanted the best for me, I know, but it was kind of . . . yeah. But I guess I gotta take it calmly and slowly, then it's going to be just fine :) BUT . . . one thing for sure, they wouldn't allow me to go to his house. Somehow I know that I'm not that young like they think I am. Maybe they're the first two people I saw at the time I started to breath this air I'm breathing, but I can truly see ... they don't know me.

Yoohoo.

2009-07-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

As I read my previous posts, I just realized that ........................ my grammar is totally improving!! lols. And whoahoahoaw! I could see that almost all of my posts are mentioning his nicknames (MIB, monster, alex, etc). Ckck I was soooo totally into him! -_- Whut-e-vurr, love makes people stupid. But I'm not that stupid anymore, people (FYI)! So anyways, I lurveee my I.T task! My group and I are told to make a movie, a movie which can save the world huahuah. So we chose 'How To Save The Homeless People' for our topic haha I actually get this idea of really donating some of our clothes, toys, stuffs we don't really need and of course, some money. Instead of just having the will to do this project, I just feel like doing some good deeds :D I feel pity for them, they must feel abandoned x( Life must be extremely hard for them. Woo! Now I have to do my science homework, errr. The new science teacher is 'ridiculously' funny HAHA he made me laugh every minute in the class! For TWICE in my life, I'm not sleepy at science class lol :P Although he's not good in teaching, but yeah quite interesting hahaha.

Enough for today's post, see yah!

such a pointless post ckck

Bittersweet.

2009-07-20T06:50:00.001-07:00

I get a feeling ... that July is not going to be a good month. I'm afraid if that is it, I'm going to feel gloomy all the way this month :S I've been feeling really confused and so lost recently... It doesn't feel right. My mind's full of 'HOW IF's, 'HOW's, 'WHEN's and 'WHERE's. Confusing, ey? And yet, very exhausting. What makes my life now more tiring is I gained one kilo! Shitty! T__T I'm not going to eat anything tomorrow except for my cereal for breakfast, errrr. Okay, let's just list down all the things that I need to make me feel greater:

1. Succeed in not eating anything except for breakfast tomorrow!

2. Get the right decision for our relationship! (and won't regret the things that'll happen)

3. Get a best friend!

DONE. Okay so talking about the number 3 ... guys, I really freakin' need a best friend :"( What I meant by 'BEST' friend is not just a close friend, okay. You know it's really hard to find someone we can totally trust and to lean on. Many people want to have many friends just to gain popularity, but I'm not like that. I don't care about how famous you can be at school, I just want to have a real best friend who would be there for me whenever I'm down and happy. And talking about number 2, that's the thing which makes me feel so befuddled. I'm afraid if I have to cry again... I hate to see myself cry :'( When the world seems so wrong and unreasonable, no wise words can even help... At times like that, I may think that God is unfair (which is definitely wrong). But wait, is life fair? That's one of the questions I've been questionin' til now. Many people say that life is unfair, but I kind of think life is actually fair -- We just don't realize it. BUT ... I might be wrong -- Maybe I'm the one who can't see life clearly. So I'm just gonna let it flow. This is life! We gotta take it! Live it! Appreciate it! The most important one is to LOVE it! ;)

Do what you think is right, DON'T do what you think you already know it's wrong. Cause in the end, all humans will get everything that they deserve. So if you do what's wrong and you know it, screw you.

?

2009-07-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

semuanya aneh gue cape banget nget nget dia selalu aja membuat kesalahan yg buat gue cape kenapa dia ga bisa hargain gue dikit sih? gue gatau harus ngapain skrng kenapa harus gue terus yg ngasih kenapa dia penrah bikin gue bener2 seneng padahal gue sayang sama dia tp dia ga bisa ngerti perasaan gue. dia blg dia ga bermaksud untuk neglakuin kesalahan2 itu dan gue ngerti dia emg ga bermaksud tpi mo ga bermaksud mo bermaksud dia tetep aja bikin orang2 kesel, kenapa dia ga bisa sih berubah? apa emang orang tuh ga bisa berubah? jadi gw harus ngapain skrng? T__T gue bingung gue ngerasa bego tpi somehow gue bingung karena kata2 orang... dan skrng gue ga yakin, kenapa sih harus ruin my day? knp ga bikin gue sneeng sih lo tuh selfish to the max. lo blg lo sayang sm gue dan gue bisa liat itu tp gue masih ga bisa liat kenapa lo ga bisa berubah !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!maaf ya lagi ga jelas tp beginilah perasaan saya sekarang ha-ha

This Complicated Heart

2009-07-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

You were here and you were there

Sometimes I can't see you everywhere

Kept looking for you and asked myself, "Where?"

I didn't see you anywhere

Wondering why I was seeking for you

I shouldn't feel this way

This feeling so barely comes, yet not new

Sweet yet forbidden, cause I think of May

I have my love yet still feel so alone

You were there but why do I feel like you're already gone?

I'm afraid, gloomy and gleeful at the same time

When there's you somehow I feel fine

Love cannot be escaped freely

Complicated like knotty ropes

Sometimes comes unexpectedly

It's the feeling that cannot be controlled . . . or lightly moves

~ Helena Jesslyn ~

Quick Update.

2009-07-12T01:04:00.000-07:00

*Yesterday was lovely :) I had this SuperTeen reunion in T.A, it was quite enjoyable hihi.

*Sometimes I think I'm just too tired being with you.

*I'm hating you more

*I'm hating aikido T_T

*Wanna watch 'Evening' so badd!

*I'm missing school :p

*Puzzled with my own feelings :S

*Got this mixture of feelings I can't escape

*Liking this guy even more which is dangerous. Must control!

Current mood: Fine, scared and confused (?) *sigh*

Imperfect

2009-07-10T05:52:00.000-07:00

Imperfect

We're all imperfect

We all make mistakes

But sometimes I just can't seem to accept

All your flaws and imperfections

We're all imperfect

But everyone can make changes

You don't seem to appreciate the fact

The fact that I have given you so many chances

I'm burning in my own flaring emotions

Why do you have to make your fallacies repeated?

Why can't you take your flaws as lessons?

I'm feeling jaded, so tired

I've been always trying to keep my cool

But you make me feel like a patient fool

If I have to be mad at you for times

Please understand, it's how you pay the price

But please remember that I love you so much

Please change for me, dear Love

The things that would tear us apart, please don't touch

If so, we can write a story that no one's ever heard of

By the way, talking about imperfect ...

everyone is, even I

I'm sorry if I can't be perfect for you

If I'd have to change something, please just say

I would change for you, dear Love

I hope you would change for me, too

Dedicated to my love, Alex.

From your dearest girlfriend, Jesslyn.

Happy Anniversary!

2009-07-08T00:20:00.000-07:00

Happy two months, Lexdung!

It feels good to know we could face those problems we had, I'm proud of us ^^

Love you